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This syndicated article is a excellent resource for aftermarket rims

?Dust are thou and to dust thou shall return.?
-Genesis 3:19

For most Americans, the concept of death is just that?a concept. It is kept on a distant back burner until it forces its way into our busy lives; the death of a loved one often comes as a complete shock and the necessary funeral preparations are a financially and emotionally trying hassle in which we are seldom intimately involved. Americans tend to believe that if we refuse to talk about death or simply ignore it, it does not exist. Therefore, we hand our dead over to ?professionals,? who go to great lengths to make a very-dead corpse look as alive as possible. These professionals dress up our deceased in fancy clothing, expertly apply colorful, expensive makeup to their faces, and lay them to rest in $10,000 solid copper caskets with spring mattresses to ensure that they will remain fresh-looking for their never-ending nap. Those in charge of the funeral preparations, comprising the ?death industry? in the United States represent a booming business, generating approximately $20-billion a year; with the American population increasing exponentially every day, there is no end in sight to this boom (Minamide 81).?

Although these funeral practices are commonplace in the U.S., they are not shared by other cultures around the world. Cultures such as those of Mexico and Israel embrace ?death-affirming? beliefs in which death is incorporated into everyday life and accepted amongst children and adults alike, rather than avoided or denied. Country-wide festivals and parties such as Mexico?s Dia de Los Muertos are dedicated to the dead and time is set aside specifically for the mourning process, in contrast to the United States where public displays of grief are discouraged and create a general feeling of discomfort. Some in our society have begun to question our beliefs and practices related to death and dying, including the motives, morals, and methods of those involved in funeral enterprises, and have proposed alternatives to the traditional approaches. Analysis of our society?s funeral practices, as well as those of other cultures, is an effective way of examining our views, ethics, and cultural habits related to death, revealing America to be a death-denying, uncomfortably youth-absorbed society that is ready for change.

Alternatives: the funeral practices of Mexico and Israel.
Unlike the denial-oriented American funeral customs, which will be described in later sections, many other countries? practices, if they do not embrace death, at least accept it as a natural part of life. An excellent example of this belief system exists in Mexico, a nation which acknowledges death as a daily presence and welcomes it into the home. Like many Americans, the people of Mexico often use humor as a coping mechanism for loss, yet they also employ other strategies in order to manage their emotions (Stannard 108).?

Possibly the most well-known of these customs is El Dia de los Muertos or ?Day of the Dead.? Although this ancient holiday has become increasingly commercialized over the years in order to promote tourism in Hispanic regions, it remains a vital part of the Mexican death-affirming culture. This three-day ritual, which has prevailed for over three thousand years, gives the appearance of mocking death, but in actuality revolves around respect for and celebration of the dead. During the holiday period (November 1st and 2nd) Mexicans believe that the souls of the departed return to rejoice with their families and loved ones (Perton). Family altars are created and decorated in the homes, sugar skulls and other tasty treats are created for consumption, and the favorite music, belongings, flowers, etc. of the dead are presented (Stannard 108). This celebration is not viewed as morbid or inappropriate in Mexico because of the common belief in the life/death/rebirth continuum. The festivities allow participants to more directly deal with the complications and mourning of death. In most of the United States, a celebration which openly ?mocks? death and those who have died may be considered disrespectful or uncomfortable because candid discussions about death are generally considered distasteful, or even taboo.?

In addition to El Dia de los Muertos, Mexicans also follow funeral practices which often differ from those followed in the United States. In Mexico, it is common to hire a large brass band to take part in the funeral procession. Women typically wail very loudly during the actual burial process and are encouraged to be exceedingly dramatic when the coffin (which is typically plain in style) is lowered into the ground. Unlike in the United States, the burial is only the beginning of the grieving process in Mexico. A replica of the grave is created and placed on an altar in the home for nine days, when the deceased?s spirit is suspected of remaining in the home, and black bows are hung throughout the dwelling. The family is expected to mourn for a minimum of nine months before they are able to return to ?normal? activities (Stannard 108).?

It is not only Mexicans who manage to confront death through funeral practices and holidays. The Jewish culture/religion also meets death head-on. Although a large percentage of Americans practice Judaism, Jewish rituals are most evident in countries like Israel, where they are less likely to be affected by American attitudes. Jewish tradition dictates that after the death of a loved one, family and friends should surround him or her to provide comfort and encouragement to one another. Jewish law also demands that funeral plans be made immediately after the death because these plans ?serve as a necessary activity for the mourner at the beginning of the grief process? (Kubler-Ross 46). Recognition of the need for family and friends to be involved in the funeral process and be allowed time to grieve is a vital difference between the Jewish faith and American denial. Like the Mexicans, Jews encourage the open display of emotion and grief during the proceedings. After a death, it is customary for family and friends to sit Shiva, which is representative of the seven days of mourning. And ?at the first meal after the funeral, mourners eat a hard-boiled egg and something round to indicate that life is like a circle and the mourners have no words to describe their loss? (Soudakoff).?

In a proper Jewish funeral, there is no wake or displaying of the body because it is necessary for the corpse to be buried as soon as possible after death. Only wooden coffins or cloth shrouds are used in the committal because, according to Jewish faith, as the body decays, the soul ascends to Heaven. Jews have also imposed a ban upon embalming, as this preservation method would prevent the body from returning to God as naturally as it arrived, a value very important to the Jewish faith (Soudakoff).?

These Jewish rituals have existed for thousands of years, and their naturalistic implications can be more soothing than those of the rigid, awkward American traditions which will be described in later sections. Like the people of Mexico, the people of Israel believes in the cyclical motion of life and death and the normality of it. While they accept the inevitability of death, they are also sure to take the time necessary to cope with difficult emotions and feelings of grief, which Americans usually fail to do. Sitting Shiva is an important mourning process that is not fully appreciated by the people of the U.S. (those who are non-Jews.) The lack of grieving in America is only a further example of its citizens? denial of death?s existence in their lives, and it would be beneficial to take example from other cultures? more ?affirming? practices.

Death-denial begins in our youth.
In the United States, our viewpoints on death stem in large part from the way we are raised as children. Young people are generally sheltered from death and all of its horrors. When grandfather dies, for example, he is typically in a hospital room, nursing home, or hospice, isolated from friends and family. After his death, grandchildren may be told that he has ?moved on to a better place,? perhaps to Heaven where white ponies and puffy clouds await him in a magical world of happiness. Just as the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus work their magic in a child?s imagination, so too does a jollier version of the Grim Reaper, swooping down and gently plucking up dead hamsters or grandparents and flying them away to a wonderful, carefree playland. In addition to being sold this fictionalized version of death, children do not typically have the opportunity to see their parents grieve openly over the loss of loved ones. Mourning is a private process, which is often suppressed out of shame to hide weakness. Moreover, to children, death is not a permanent or infinite state?they ?experience no evident difficulty in their recurrent decisions to ?banish? death? in their everyday playground games like ?cowboys and Indians? (Dumont 35). When a child is ?shot,? in a game, he or she may be eliminated from the game temporarily, but is often invited to re-join the activity or may do so of his or her own accord. This may prove to be confusing to a young mind because it may suggest that death is reversible. Furthermore, children receive mixed messages from their daily media intake, in which ?major heroic characters die but they rarely stay dead.? Greg Palmer provides a list of such popular examples as ET, Frankenstein?s Monster, Snow White, and Tinkerbelle (Palmer 8). If a child believes that his or her favorite TV, movie, or book character can be instantly revived by a kiss, a burst of electricity, or a clap of the hands, the child may be struggle to understand why a pet, friend, or parent is unable to accomplish the same feat.?

Moreover, children ?don?t feel vulnerable in our society?they are protected,? primarily by parents and their loved ones (Dumont 37). Our parents are our guardian angels; although many children experience anxiety about the loss of a parent, most are not forced to face their death as a real possibility. In the United States, our parents are our eternal protectors?they, like most other stable figures in a child?s life, are considered immortal. The average American suburb or elementary school is also a protective environment, not a place for morbid conversation of death or corpses; if children raise such topics or questions, their outbursts are often stifled as soon as possible in an effort to preserve their innocence and happiness as well as to avoid conflicts at home. At home, parents may use controls on their televisions to prevent their children from viewing inappropriately violent or ?dark? content, and may attempt to forbid access to certain video games, comic books, and other media/outside corruptors in an effort to protect their children from the subject of death. Although this tactic of censorship is not always successful, it is nonetheless common for parents to edit the information entering their children?s field of vision. Because parents cannot even understand their own feelings about a subject as complicated and emotionally complex as death, they often recoil from having to grapple with it with their children, assuming their offspring will also be unable to comprehend it and engendering their own discomfort with death in their children.?

In America, children are additionally protected from feelings of vulnerability because lethal epidemics, high infant mortality rates, and poverty are not as prevalent as in Third-World countries, where children may be exposed to the reality of death on an everyday basis. Therefore, our relatively high standard of living also shields our youth from the unpleasantries of death. Most of us are not forced to experience the same feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty as those living in some other cultures. High-crime/poverty-stricken neighborhoods and urban areas can, of course, be found in America, yet the violence and disease found in these areas are not as widespread as in other underdeveloped nations.?

In his ground-breaking The Hour of Our Death, sociologist Phillippe Aries makes reference to Herbert Gorer and his findings on western death and mourning rituals. I believe that Gorer makes a valid point in his controversial article, ?The Pornography of Death,? when he stated that mortality has ?taken the place of sex? as The Taboo of the 20th century (qtd. in Aries 92). In the Victorian era, raising the topic of sex was a major gaffe, whereas death was something much more commonplace as a day-to-day topic of conversation among adults and children (Aries 92). In contrast, today?s youth are generally more aware of where babies come from than they are of the complexities and so-called ?grotesque? aspects of death. Very few maintain ?the stork? theory past the age of ten unless they wish to be cruelly corrected by their peers, but many remain clueless about the finality of death and its intricacies well into adolescence. As we grow older, our ignorance remains unless someone close to us dies and shatters our previously mortality-free existence. Thanks to breakthroughs in the fields of science and medicine, it is possible for some Americans to live to a ripe old age without really having to experience the death of someone dear to them. When/if death occurs, we are often so caught by surprise that we flounder, unsure of how to handle the shock. We are not prepared for the loss of a friend or family member; as a result if that time comes, we automatically seek help from an outsider?such as a priest, psychologist, or funeral director. Fear and anxiety about death are actually greater among American adolescents than any other age group (Kastenbaum 83), suggesting that failure to address the topic in childhood may contribute to later psychological problems.?

On the other hand, once we have matured to a certain point in our adulthood, Americans have no problem with joking about and making light of the realities of death?in fact, there are over 500 terms for ?kicking the bucket? in The Dictionary of Historic Slang (Palmer 7). Stand-up comedians often incorporate morbid jokes into their routines, varying widely from light-hearted to downright offensive. Their shticks are also used as themes for many TV programs, plays, and movies, such as Harold and Maude and Don?t Tell Mom the Babysitter?s Dead, and presumably assist us in coping with our death-related anxieties. In his influential book, Death in America, David Stannard points out that ?America was the first country to lessen the tragic sense of death? (154). By addressing our fears through comedy or light-hearted comments, we may be able in a sense, to come to grips with an event which is out of our control. Alternatively, we may also use humor to further distance ourselves from reality, allowing ourselves to deny our real emotions about death. Through the use of humor, we may be better able to come to terms with or avoid our weaknesses and phobias related to death, in attempts to cope with this unfamiliar and frightening territory.

The rejection of mourning.
The question remains: why do we still find death so disturbing well into our adulthoods? Why can?t we naturally and openly mourn for the loss of those we love most? A variety of theories have been proposed. For one, ?we fear dying because it sounds painful and upsetting, really quite upsetting compared to, say, eating a pizza? (Palmer 75). The latter sounds like a silly reason, but it is true?there are things in our lives that are familiar and comforting (such as eating pizza,) and things that are extremely strange and alien to us (such as death.) Death may be the most alien experience that the human race must tackle, despite the fact that it occurs hundreds of thousands of times every day across the globe. When we experience anxiety about death in our own minds, this fear is projected onto the situation if someone we know passes away. We attempt to suppress the bewildering emotions that may surface in a time of loss, when we realize that death is a reality that will directly touch our lives.?

In addition, modern American society dictates that we must be happy, youthful, and fresh-faced at all times?there is no room for mourning. In his Western Attitudes About Death, Ari?s theorizes, ?Evident sorrow is now a sign of mental instability?it is morbid? (Aries 93). He also states that Americans feel the need to contribute to a state of ?collective happiness;? therefore, dying or being depressed over the death of another would be detrimental to the rest of society (102). Mourning today is a private, embarrassing situation which needs to be stifled and/or ignored, ?like a sort of masturbation? (Aries 98). These pressures and the lack of room for death in our busy lives persuade us to transfer our problem to someone else, avoiding the inconvenience or possible discomfort of dealing with the deceased by handing over the post-mortem duties to a funeral director, undertaker, or other specialist. To avoid being a burden or a ?downer,? we are forced to internalize feelings of grief and/or convince ourselves that we are being overdramatic.?

We watch the news and read the paper, saturated by thousands of images of death every day, and we are somehow able to view these as pure statistics, further perpetuating our denial of death?s existence. In addition, American advances in science and medicine have led ?to a belief in a cure for death? (Dumont 46). Feeling invincible is commonplace in our society, and this sentiment of immortality doesn?t appear to be fading. If a friend or family member falls ill, we attempt to console ourselves with the idea that doctors or scientists will have a cure, and if not, they will definitely discover one in time to save our beloved. Confronting the idea that this person may leave us is very difficult?on some subconscious level, doing so would be weak and horribly unkind. Americans no longer find death appropriate; death is a private affair, often considered disgraceful or embarrassing and therefore kept behind closed doors. Clearly, this doesn?t make any logical sense, as death is the one thing which happens to everyone without fail. Finding death shameful logically would seem inhuman.?

The pressures to appear strong and ?together? are very evident in America, and we are all hesitant to show a weak side to the world. Although many psychologists speculate that the lack of mourning and ritual after the loss of a loved one may cause great emotional and mental damage, we continue to attempt stoicism and denial. Contrastingly, until the late 19th and even early 20th centuries, it was common practice for women to wear black for years after the loss of their husbands or sons. Today, it is considered somehow inappropriate to take time off from work, school, or our social lives to grieve. Due to the Federal Employees Family Friendly Leave Act, full-time employees are granted a maximum of 13 days of sick leave per year to tend to matters related to death and grief. However, the average person takes less than three days of leave, and only 3% of employees use the maximum leave allowed (United States Office of Personnel Management).?

In our society, appearances are very important and signs of frailty can have a negative effect on how individuals are perceived, particularly in the work place. In his The American View of Death: Acceptance or Denial?, Richard Dumont claims that American adults tend to see death as ?failure or loss of status? (43). Ironically, we are very unsure of how to handle the one thing in life that is certain. When others view weeping as ?hysteria? and mourning as a ?malady,? what is the expected response to the death of someone you love (Aries 580)? In America, we should remain stony-faced throughout the difficult period, although we are expected to squeeze out just a few tears to prove that we are not completely cold and heartless. We must act properly melancholy for approximately a week or two afterwards, before we return to our normal, happy selves and forget the death ever occurred, to prevent any possible discomfort among our friends and peers. Maintaining this fa?ade is exhausting, but long gone are the days when we would find it permissible to drop everything to address our emotions. The relentless need for comfort and ease in the United States is difficult to satisfy when it comes to death, which is so unpredictable and, in many cases, earth-shattering. When many in the work force are only allowed a few ?sick days? each year, it would be difficult to negotiate a few months dedicated to mourning a loss.?

We continue this denial of death throughout our lives, refusing to accept reality until it is thrust upon us, when we often pass the responsibility on to a professional who has been trained in how to deal with it. Death is one of the few things we are still unable to control in this modern day and age, and this lack of control creates confusion and anger. To regain control, we ensure that the person we have hired takes vigilant care of the physical body of our deceased loved one.

Funeral practices in the United States.
In the United States, the ?typical? funeral post-death ritual occurs as follows: the wake (which varies in length, content, etc., depending on religious beliefs,) religious ceremony, committal service (during which the casket is lowered,) and post-funeral gathering (Bowman 35). This grieving process has become extremely solidified in American society, which the mental health world encourages fully. ?Part of the grieving process can be accomplished through a physical viewing of the body. A finality. A period at the end of the sentence? (Palmer 159). However, many claim that Americans have distanced themselves from the process of death by immediately handing over the body to someone else, such as the funeral director, undertaker, or crematorium worker. We do not wash the bodies ourselves, nor do we typically dress them, make them up, or interact with the corpse in any way for fear of?what? Contamination? Hauntings? Cooties? Funeral homes, in which wakes are held approximately 60% of the time, take charge of the situation, charging astronomical prices for their services (Bowman 35). Some claim that the funeral director has replaced the ministers of yesteryear, as they now hold the power and ability to perform all necessary post-death rites and elaborations (Aries 596). Americans want everything to be ?comfortable and convenient,? and funeral homes/services make this possible and readily available in even the most rural of towns across the U.S. (Nichols 75). We are able to deny death by simply paying others to take care of it, to get it away from us, to bury or burn the body for us. It is an increasingly popular custom for cemetery workers to wait for the family to leave the cemetery before lowering the casket into the ground, to avoid disturbing the loved ones with the sight of an actual burial. This practice may promote the delusion in the minds of those still living that the deceased may simply be asleep somewhere. If the family or friends do not come into physical contact with the corpse, and do not see it lowered into the ground, then it is easier to imagine that the person who died is still wandering the earth. It may keep them from achieving closure after the loss of a loved one, raising the question of whether different practices would be healthier.?

In terms of body preparation, great care is often taken to ensure that the deceased will ?feel? comfortable, untouched by outside critters, and protected from decay for decades to come. In Elaine Minamide?s book, How Should One Cope With Death?, she speculates that this concern for the state of the dead exists for two reasons: ?love and fear? (74). Minamide claims that we are very concerned about the difference between ?safely? dead and in the ?limbic? zone (75). We need assurances that our beloved dead person will be content and fully dead in their new environment. Some also hypothesize that ?we try to domesticate death, make it into a kind of dwelling? (Kastenbaum 42). This construction of a safety zone, or ?nest,? may be a small way of taking control of an unmanageable situation. To achieve this feeling of security, Americans spend tens of thousands of dollars on solid copper caskets, rubber seals around their edges, cement grave interiors, and all sorts of fancy elaborations on the burial process to ensure that the dead will be comfortable for all of eternity. In many western societies, ?the fear of bodily decay has been implicated in the increasing choice of cremation as a method of disposal? (Howarth 147). Still, every year American cemeteries take in 827,000 gallons of embalming fluid, 2700 tons of copper and bronze, 104,272 tons of steel, and 1,636,000 tons of concrete (Minamide 90) to keep the bodies under their care looking ?fresh? and alive?two things a dead person clearly is not going to achieve in the near future.

Our methods of treating the dead manifest our personal fears and obsessions. By performing rituals with the corpse that are often illogical, we are able to satisfy our own peace of mind. For example, standard practice calls for burying the dead face-up??There?s absolutely no reason for that? (Palmer 75). Some friends and family members also request that the undersides of the coffin lids be illustrated, reflecting that they are ?terrified of boredom? (76). The American fixation with cleanliness, a ?bourgeois value? (Aries 568), has reached a new pinnacle. These preparations can be viewed as either a model of American excess, or maybe a ?unique demonstration of our humanity? (Palmer 167). Our obsession with appearances dictates that even in death, we must be clean, made-up, dressed-up, and buried in the most stylish Cadillac of coffins the world has to offer.?

The ?typical? American funeral, like the ?typical? American, has varied widely over the years, yet has become, arguably, increasingly denial-oriented in recent years with the lack of interaction between the dead and the living. As Greg Palmer states, ?getting rid of the body is the only thing a death ritual has to do for the public good. Everything else is an elective? (Palmer 197). These electives have become more and more ornate and involved over the past century. In the 1700?s and 1800?s, post-death rituals were simple and mimicked the European tradition, usually requiring plain wooden caskets, body preparation completed by the family/close friends, and a straightforward burial. Today, this is obviously not the case in most situations. ??Cemetery? comes from the ancient Greek, but it doesn?t mean ?to molder endlessly.? It means ?to put to sleep?? (Palmer 7). We turn to funeral homes or professionals to lay our loved ones down for their endless siesta because we either do not know how to handle a corpse or do not want the responsibility of bathing, caring for, and disposing of the body for whatever reason. Although many psychologists claim that interacting with the body and establishing a ?ritual? is one of the best ways of coping with loss, this practice is no longer commonly followed post-mortem. ?You would never rush into a bridal shop and say ?Do me a wedding for next Saturday.? You?d want to plan it as much as you can. And a funeral should be just as memorable, just as carefully planned? (Palmer 35).?

When a person dies in America, he or she becomes nothing more than a major inconvenience; friends and family must take time off, body preparation is time consuming, and the funeral is expensive. In the past, family members and friends would take time off work and time out of their busy schedules to tend to their emotions and attempt to cope with their feelings of loss. As an alternative coping method, family members now spend thousands on post-death extravagance, ranging from burying loved ones in a yacht to commissioning elaborate murals on the underside of a coffin lid (which forces one to ask?what is the point?) New post-mortem discoveries are also making it possible to display the body in a ?lifelike? position?at his desk, in his wheelchair, watching his favorite television show, etc. In his book and accompanying documentary, Death: The Trip of a Lifetime, Greg Palmer claims, ?we want our death to be a Very Big Deal,? which is perhaps the reasoning behind such lavishness (95). The ?Very Big Deal? of today may be considered a replacement for the long, drawn-out mourning periods of the past?a more expensive, less time-consuming version which enables us to distance ourselves from the tragedy, rather than deal with it through grief.?

Because the funeral itself is intended more for the benefit of the living, to help them grapple with their emotions, than for the deceased, many rituals revolve around the wishes and anxieties of the family. We embalm bodies, despite the fact that this is not a requirement or law, in hopes that this will preserve the corpse and prevent rotting/decomposition of those we love. The embalming ritual originated in the Civil War years, when it was crucial for soldiers who had died in battle to be returned home to their families without rotting (Carlson 21). Today, embalming is usually not a necessity, but most would prefer that their beloved dead person remain fresh and untouched, even after years spent in the ground?a feat that can be achieved with current embalming methods. Approximately sixty percent of deceased Americans are embalmed, which is ?really a convenience for the public at this point? (Palmer 157). Upgraded casket technology also helps to preserve the dead. Rubber rims around edges of a casket prevent soil and critter interaction underground; these sealed coffins can provide the peace of mind that the body will remain untouched.?

Our obsession with preserving our loved ones? buried bodies may have stemmed in part from ancient Christian beliefs suggesting that ?if you decay, you have sinned? (Howarth 147). Preservation also helps us to deny death by imagining that it is unreal. If we look the same after passing away, then it might be possible to feel the same or act the same. Moreover, the desire to protect the deceased may also stem from unresolved feelings of guilt. If there is nothing more that you can do for family members/friends after their deaths and you feel that you have perhaps wronged them in the past or owe them a favor, protecting them from gathering dirt and decay may be a promising last resort. If you feel guilty about not spending enough money or time on them while they were alive, showering them with elaborate funerals, expensive headstones, etc. after their deaths may help prove you care.?

Some of us are also preparing for our own preservation and appearance before death is even a pressing issue. For example, it is becoming increasingly popular for women to take notice of how they may appear in their coffins after their death; many pick out the outfits for their own funerals and ?ask their friends to get their personal make-up kit? to beautify their corpses in preparation for the afterlife (Howarth 121). This process may help us deal with the unfamiliarity of death?another mechanism for coping with an event that had appeared so distant for our whole lives and seemed so foreign until it forced itself upon us.

The funeral industry in America is a constantly changing enterprise. It was recently discovered that 1/3 of the U.S. population ?doesn?t claim membership to a religious congregation,? which may make the funeral ceremony itself more complicated now than in the past (Minamide 79). However, controversial books such as Jessica Mitford?s American Way of Death and Evelyn Waugh?s The Loved One have exposed the world to the potential sham posed by the funeral industry. They reveal that there are today ?ten times the number of funeral establishments needed although there has been little change in the death rate? (Carlson 25). Families and friends are beginning to realize that relinquishing thousands of dollars for basic services such as a wake and burial is not only unnecessary, but unjust. Unfortunately, in many towns, particularly those settled in more rural locations, funeral homes have a monopoly on the post-death industry. Those who remain behind after someone dies may feel that they have no choice but to purchase the funeral services, often assuming that the funeral director or undertaker knows what is best. Although laws have changed to further protect the families of the dead, requiring, for example, that funeral homes state in writing the exact prices of every service, swindling and other offenses still occur on an everyday basis. However, doubts and concerns about the funeral establishment have been increasing in recent years, as reflected in the emergence of the ?alternative death movement? in the United States.

America?s alternative death movement.
A rising backlash toward funeral homes and their expensive resources is in fact evident in this country. The alternative death movement, which encourages friends and family members to participate in the body preparation and burial/cremation, is thought to help in the grieving process because it provides a ritual for them to experience (Minamide 81). New books have been published providing information on how to care for a corpse by yourself, as well as the cheapest methods of disposing of it, from memorial services to cremation. Because funerals themselves are meant to help console the living, not the dead, living family members are persuaded to play a more active role in the final farewell.?

In a 2004 AARP survey, 8.1% claimed that they preferred a traditional cemetery burial, 18.6% cremation, 2.9% an exotic burial, and 70.4% a green burial (Minamide 87). ?Green cemeteries,? which provide an all-natural method of disposing of a body, are an increasingly popular alternative to the typical American burial ground. This approach involves nothing fancy; it simply allows the deceased to become ?one? with the earth in a natural landscape, without any foreign fluids or embalming juices in the body to pollute the earth. The family or those closest to the deceased simply wash and prepare the body naturally, lay it in a simple coffin, and dig a grave in which to lay it. Green cemeteries do not permit grave sites to be marked with elaborate head stones or monuments or decorated with flowers/other personal items?only flat, natural-looking pieces of wood may be used. The latter limitations may be an obstacle for those who use grave sites as a means of interacting with the dead. The desire for interaction with the dead through the symbolism of a grave stone or other form suggests that we, as a culture, are ?constantly bouncing between death avoidance and death attraction? (Palmer 14). However, the growing popularity of the green cemetery movement indicates that people may be learning to cope with loss in different ways, refusing to let a gravestone dictate their feelings toward the dead.?

Another interesting development in the death market is the introduction of the drive-thru funeral home, which represents a figurative ?180? from the traditional funeral parlor. The ?Junior Funeral Home,? one of few in existence in the U.S., offers drive-thru mourning in Pensacola, Florida (Palmer 198). Although this approach may appear heartless, cruel, or even humorous to the advocates of more traditional funerals, it helps Americans achieve the ideal in sorrow in a number of ways. The drive-thru allows for viewing the body from a distance (separated by at least 2 panes of glass,) speedy paying of respects, the privacy of their automobile with tinted windows in which to shed a few tears, and a fast retreat, returning to their busy lives without a second glance through the rear-view mirror. The drive-thru body display/wake is similar to the green cemetery concept in that it allows for a minimum of interaction with the dead after separating with the corpse, and also doesn?t promote the ritualistic mourning process that most psychologists would recommend.?

Both of these alternative funeral rituals prove that there is a growing rift in America?s views on death and how it should be treated. If the family of the deceased person that selects a drive-thru funeral is comfortable with their loved one being displayed in a window and are able to accept this loss in a realistic way and with a sense of humor, it may demonstrate that the family is less neurotic about the whole ordeal. On the other hand, the drive-thru funeral may also prove that we are morphing into a society that ignores death completely, minimizing its role in our lives to an extreme. In a culture where everything revolves around comfort and convenience, from fast food to Internet shopping, perhaps we are entering an era in which death is no more than a quick stop on your way to the dry cleaner?s. Or maybe we have already found ourselves living in that era.

Possibilities for change.
Although death-denying practices have been mounting in American society over the past century, it is not too late to edge into a new era in which we take death by the hand and confront anxieties. Philippe Aries stated that we, as Americans, are forming a new image of death: ?the ugly and hidden death, hidden because it is ugly and dirty? (569). If we can manage to bring death into the light through facilitation of discussion in children and adults as well as education about the realities of death, our nation may be better able to cope with loss and its accompanying emotions. It is necessary for us to eliminate the idea that death is something shameful or dirty, as well as to encourage mourning more openly.?

As expressed in the opening pages, most cultures do not struggle with these problems as America does. While we prefer silent, private affairs, residents of Mexico bring out the brass band and raucous grievers. While we must remain stony-faced and strong, Mexicans are encouraged to grieve openly. While we attempt to return to ?life as usual? as soon after the funeral as possible, most Mexicans mourn candidly for nearly a year. These dissimilarities only further prove that the American methods of death-denial are unnatural and, potentially, emotionally troubling.?

Some strides have been made in America in terms of death awareness over the last couple of decades. Aside from rising numbers of people being cremated, there are also the green cemeteries and other more environmentally-friendly methods to consider. In addition, we are slowly progressing emotionally. Elementary schools like St. John?s in the Midwest boast a six-week long ?death ed? program for fourth graders which includes discussions, art projects, and essays (Palmer 222). Such programs allow children to express their fears and anxieties in a healthy atmosphere and realize that they are not alone in their concerns. They should be implemented more extensively in the future, if not as part of the in-school curriculum, as optional after-school programs. It is also up to the parents to shield their children to a certain extent, yet allow them to be exposed to the reality of death; the fact that it is irreversible should not be denied. Although much of the problem with funeral practices lies in the religious aspect which cannot be altered, it is even more important for the following mourning period to not be compromised. Grieving is necessary and natural, and it?s up to society and the media to change our way of thinking and allow for signs of ?weakness? and sorrow when the situation calls for them. None of these changes are simple, but if we as a nation recognize our mistakes in having distanced ourselves from our death-affirming roots and the unhealthy practices that ensued, we will be able to return to these roots over time and establish a healthy relationship with death.

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